That's right folks, I take the BUS. It is my mode of transportation. No, I do not drive. Go ahead and laugh. I'll laugh with you. However, know that I have some bad-ass eyes, and that is why I take the BUS. Now, go ahead and ask Jesus for forgiveness for laughing at my ole butt for not driving. ;) On Friday, my sweet friend, Ginni, took me to the mall so that I could catch my bus. She said, "I'll take you wherever. I said, "Girl, take me up the road where the buses meet." I told her about some of the WHACKED as all get out stuff that I've experienced on buses in NC, IN, and especially in AZ." She was in hysterics, and said, "Cee, you have got to put this on blogger."
Ginni, this is for YOU.
Folks, riding the bus is a TRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP. Here are some of the events that have occurred to me over the past 10 years:
* A mentally challenged man taking a Paddington Bear with a freaking RAIN COAT and HAT on out of his Jansport bag and saying, "Hi, Big Boy! Did you sleep good last night? I sure did!" I had a copy of David Roediger's The Wages of Whiteness clutched in my hands. I hid my face with it. An elderly woman hit me and said, "Honey, what you tryin' to hide from?" I should have been @ home studying. That's what God was trying to TELL ME.
* My friend, D., bringing the campus bus to a screeching halt after I cut my hair into a bob (mind you, it used to be where your bra snaps in the back, and y'all KNOW for colored folk, that's some HAIR), opened the door, and said, "WHAT IN THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO MY HAIR?!?!?!??!!?!?!?
* An acquaintance (black male) getting mad at me on the bus (IN) because I was talking to a white male friend. He said, "I wasn' t going to share you with no white boy on the bus."
* When I informed a driver in IN that I was moving to AZ (she inquired where I had been since she hadn't seen me in nearly 2 weeks), she stopped the bus, turned around, and started crying. Everyone on the bus who had known me for the past 6 year were in shock and practically joined her in crying. Wow, I felt luved.
* In AZ, some brotha's come-on line was, "What you mixed with?" after noticing my hair. I guess only biracial children can be born with some "good hair."
* Some clown got on @ Mill Ave, and said, "WOMAN, you've got some beautiful-ass legs. I know that your man loves them. If you were my woman, I would pour champagne all over them and lick it off. How long are they? 33 inches?
* A man saying, "Girl, you smell so good. It's nice to see a woman in AZ lookin' as good as you. You've made my day. THANK YOU."
* A man getting off the bus saying, "Hey, sexy mama. Can I get your #?" Fool, please. Although I TAKE the bus doesn't mean that I will date a man that TAKES the bus.
* Men sitting in the back of the bus trying to see whose experience at the Florence prison was the worst. I am scared poopless, but when one said, "Look ma'am, I got busted for trying to hustle some weed to feed my kids. When the system fails to rehabilitate us, what kind of job can I get once I get out?" My heart went out to him.
* A woman who refuses to sit on the seats without covering them with newspaper.
* A scuffle breaking out because a white man called a black man a N*GGER, and this scrawny black man thought that he could beat the man down. At that point, the entire bus was about to jump the racist - - - white and black. It was a combination of race and your drama was causing folks to miss their connecting bus.
* Drunks wanting folks to know that they want to kill their wife AND getting mad at you for failing to JOIN in and sing their drunken version of Ike's and Tina's "Proud Mary."
Whew! If I can think of any more stories, I'll send them this way.
Adrienne, GET UP OFF THE FLOOR, WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ginni, does this do the trick?
