GET ON THE BUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's right folks, I take the BUS. It is my mode of transportation. No, I do not drive. Go ahead and laugh. I'll laugh with you. However, know that I have some bad-ass eyes, and that is why I take the BUS. Now, go ahead and ask Jesus for forgiveness for laughing at my ole butt for not driving. ;) On Friday, my sweet friend, Ginni, took me to the mall so that I could catch my bus. She said, "I'll take you wherever. I said, "Girl, take me up the road where the buses meet." I told her about some of the WHACKED as all get out stuff that I've experienced on buses in NC, IN, and especially in AZ." She was in hysterics, and said, "Cee, you have got to put this on blogger."

Ginni, this is for YOU.

Folks, riding the bus is a TRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP. Here are some of the events that have occurred to me over the past 10 years:


* A mentally challenged man taking a Paddington Bear with a freaking RAIN COAT and HAT on out of his Jansport bag and saying, "Hi, Big Boy! Did you sleep good last night? I sure did!" I had a copy of David Roediger's The Wages of Whiteness clutched in my hands. I hid my face with it. An elderly woman hit me and said, "Honey, what you tryin' to hide from?" I should have been @ home studying. That's what God was trying to TELL ME.

* My friend, D., bringing the campus bus to a screeching halt after I cut my hair into a bob (mind you, it used to be where your bra snaps in the back, and y'all KNOW for colored folk, that's some HAIR), opened the door, and said, "WHAT IN THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO MY HAIR?!?!?!??!!?!?!?

* An acquaintance (black male) getting mad at me on the bus (IN) because I was talking to a white male friend. He said, "I wasn' t going to share you with no white boy on the bus."

* When I informed a driver in IN that I was moving to AZ (she inquired where I had been since she hadn't seen me in nearly 2 weeks), she stopped the bus, turned around, and started crying. Everyone on the bus who had known me for the past 6 year were in shock and practically joined her in crying. Wow, I felt luved.

* In AZ, some brotha's come-on line was, "What you mixed with?" after noticing my hair. I guess only biracial children can be born with some "good hair."

* Some clown got on @ Mill Ave, and said, "WOMAN, you've got some beautiful-ass legs. I know that your man loves them. If you were my woman, I would pour champagne all over them and lick it off. How long are they? 33 inches?

* A man saying, "Girl, you smell so good. It's nice to see a woman in AZ lookin' as good as you. You've made my day. THANK YOU."

* A man getting off the bus saying, "Hey, sexy mama. Can I get your #?" Fool, please. Although I TAKE the bus doesn't mean that I will date a man that TAKES the bus.

* Men sitting in the back of the bus trying to see whose experience at the Florence prison was the worst. I am scared poopless, but when one said, "Look ma'am, I got busted for trying to hustle some weed to feed my kids. When the system fails to rehabilitate us, what kind of job can I get once I get out?" My heart went out to him.

* A woman who refuses to sit on the seats without covering them with newspaper.

* A scuffle breaking out because a white man called a black man a N*GGER, and this scrawny black man thought that he could beat the man down. At that point, the entire bus was about to jump the racist - - - white and black. It was a combination of race and your drama was causing folks to miss their connecting bus.

* Drunks wanting folks to know that they want to kill their wife AND getting mad at you for failing to JOIN in and sing their drunken version of Ike's and Tina's "Proud Mary."

Whew! If I can think of any more stories, I'll send them this way.

Adrienne, GET UP OFF THE FLOOR, WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ginni, does this do the trick?

Sunday Singin' Sensation #4 !: LIONEL RITCHIE

Howdy good PEOPLE!!

Good morning! Let's give God (your leaf, but you know that DEAL) some P-R-A-I-S-E today!!! Did He made a difference in your life last week? If so, (which should be your answer since you are ALIVE and AWAKE to read this message), say, "Thank you, Lord for LIFE." There are some who cannot say that today.

Y'all know what to do - - -go to the Juke Joint and point on a Gospel song. Try a lil' Mary Mary today.

WHEW - it's been a busy weekend. I had lunch with my dear friend, GC. OH, how I am going to miss that woman. She has inspired me to create a blog topic. Hmm, I am contemplating if I will write it today, or tomorrow. If it is written today, it will be a separate entry because it is THAT long. We had lunch at Oreganos. Although I will miss her dearly, I am SO happy that she is moving to CA to be with her fiance. GC deserves this rich opportunity.





























Yesterday, after my exam, I celebrated this baby's first birthday. He's SO sweet and loving. I had a great time. Am I ready for this myself? Hmm. . . , NAW, BOBBY! NAW!!! His grandmother made a large, Big Bird cake, and individual Big Bird cakes for the small children in attendance. That's some LOVE. It took her over FOUR HOURS to decorate the large, Big Bird cake.

Have y'all heard of Costco's Bakery? She's a SAINT. He had so much yellow frosting on him that my friend had to dump him into the tub. Sweet.








This week's Singin' Sensation is LIONEL RITCHIE!! LAWD, I have luved that man since I was a tiny tot. How in the H does Lionel look better now than when he was younger? My GOD, it's like the clock stopped ticking. His teeth are beautiful. Now, if I was to date someone in the AARP age, I would kick it with Lionel. He looks GOOD. But, y'all know that I am not into AARP men, EXCEPT FOR DARNELL WILLIAMS ON "ALL MY CHILDREN" (Jesse)!!!!!!!!!!! I would love to be that man's Angie!

I digress. . . . Lionel has written such wonderful hits. Where do I even begin - - - "Brickhouse" with the Commodores; "Easy Like Sunday Morning;", and the song that SO many babies were conceived to - "Endless Love." Then, he grabbed our hearts with "Hello." Can we remember "Dancing on the Ceiling"?

A lot of folks loss favor with Lionel when he was busted for cheating on his ex, Brenda. Do y'all remember when little bitty Brenda opened up a can of whup ass when she found Lionel with Wife #2, Diane Alexander? I couldn't blame the chick - - - she married him when he had NOTHING. Oprah surely got Lionel 3 years ago on her show about that mess. Bruh Man knew that he was wrong.

But, I still love him.

If for some DANG reason you do not know who Lionel Ritchie is, ask Jesus for forgiveness and play one of his songs from the Juke Joint. In addition, read:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lionel_Richie


Tonight, I am scheduled to see "High School Musical." I'll let y'all know how it is.

Hmm, if you are wondering why this message does not have its usual "uumph," get ready for the next installment. GC, your wish is my command. ;)

Toss my salad, BOYYYYYYYY!!!

HELLO.

Folks, I am on my soapbox today. That's right, today's discussion is regarding the TOSS of SALAD. SHAQ, SET DOWN AND SHADDAHELLUP!!! We know that you don't like Kobe, but did you have to tell the man to toss your salad? Hmm, do you think that he'll allow Kobe to select what type of syrup that he would like to use?

I know, "Girl, you are SIK."

This is unbelievable. Shaq, regardless of your beef with Kobe, you didn't have to "go there." Kobe didn't cause your impending divorce; you and your WIFE did. For starters, karma is a bitch. You knew that Shaunie was married to your BEST FRIEND, who happened to be a MINISTER. Did that stop you from gettin' your groove on with the Reverend Missus? NO. Y'all get married, and you are still hoeing around. Sista girl goes STOOOPID and finds her a Cuban personal trainer and makes him "the kept woman." Fool, if you are going to mess around, do not PAY your man!!!! Is you STOOOPID?!?! That's right, folks. Heffa allegedly bought the man a $650K condo. Deet da deet DAMN. Then, the woman is starting to sell her Gucci bags on ebay - - - LIKE she really needs some $$$?!?!?!

WTF?!?!

Shaunie, repeat after me, "I, Shaunie O'Neal, am a freaking IDIOT." Hell, chicks in the 'hood are even smarter than THAT. Who does she think she is - a character from a Jackie Collins novel?


Whew! I take a day off from blogger, and look @ the mess that I had to come back with.

The Supreme Court said today that you can't give these child rapists the death penalty.

Can we open up a can of whup-ass on Clarence Thomas, please?

Deliver me!

Yesterday, I did some scrapbooking. I needed to play with some scissors, glue dots, adhesives, etc. . . I thank my girl, Angie, for such a WONDERFUL class and for assisting me with my album cover. KUDOS!!! If you don't scrapbook, try it; you'll be HOOKED. My friends refer to me as the "Asian Tourist," because I always have my camera with me.

Whatever. Asian tourists luv visiting Graceland. I haven't made it there (yet). ;)

Today, a kid was by the pool drunkenly informing me how excited he is that he is joining the Army and gets to have a machine gun. Deliver me; he can go to parts of Phoenix and obtain one and come home ALIVE.

Clown.


Off to work some inches off of this booty (cycling class). Y'all have a WONDERFUL evening!

WTF?! : DON IMUS DOES IT AGAIN!!!

This clown strikes YET again. That's right - - - Don Imus doesn't just know how to shut the H up. Heck, he's keepin' Al Sharpton's hair stylist in business. Every time that this always-wearin' the same "I wanna be a cowboy" outfit says something STOOPID, Al is right up front ret to get PAID.

Can I get a WITNESS?!

I'll let y'all read what this fool has done now:

http://sports.aol.com/fanhouse/2008/06/23/don-imus-on-adam-jones-what-color-is-he/?icid=100214839x1204512957x1200206395

Say, man, as Rodney once said, "Can't we all get along?" Wouldn't it be just his LUCK if one of his chil'ren said, "Daddy, guess who's coming to DINNER?!?!??!?!

The man would die. Then again, he might have a George Wallace conversation, and say, "You know, it took Susie bringing Tyrone home to make me realize that I like COLORED people. They are my friends. Tyrone, pass the bowl of greens, please. What's that red stuff that you are pouring all over them? Hot what? Hot sauce? What's that like?"

Adrienne, get up off the FLOOR, woman.

Deliver me. I was going to get on Blogger today and not clown. Then, I checked the news and saw this mess.

I am still house-shopping. Today, I saw something that looked like a church parsonage, circa 1982.

Moving right along. . . how was your Monday? Is your week off to a fantastic start??? I had to take an education exam today. I had a panic attack at the place. I HATE tests. I have a Ph.D. I've had my share of tests, and I have flashbacks from those tests. I scored well, but good GOD, I needed Xanex or something.

What did I settle for? A cold, glass of Beringer, White Zinfandel. That's right, my teeth are okay, I am off the antibiotic, and that elixer so calmed my nerves.

Off to study some more. A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Hell, can I please start wasting mine? All this learning is KILLING ME, and I am NOT dying SOFTLY.

Word.

Sunday Singin' Sensation #3

Good morning, good peeps!

It's another SUNDAY. PTL (Praise the LAWD). For some, you may elect to praise your LEAF, but then again, "Who made the leaf, boys and girls?!. Take your BOOTY back to SUNDAY SCHOOL." ;) Let me stop before I cuss on this magnificent Sunday morning. GO to the Juke Joint and play, "God is Trying to Tell Me Something" from the 1985 film, The Color Purple. God is probably trying to tell you something, and you need to hear that song in order to motivate you to DO what He wants you to DO.

Aight, FYI - Adrienne, I am not copying your idea to celebrate Rick James this week. Girlfriend, this was on my mind since LAST Sunday. ;) I LOVE ME SOME RICK JAMES. I was a 3 year old who wanted to be Rick James' freak without knowing what in the H freak meant. Readers, who wouldn't want to be Rick's freak (BEFORE JAIL) from her "head down to her toenails." Every time this man was on "Soul Train," I was glued to the TV. When he passed away, I cried. My girl, Christina's, peeps through a RIP Rick James BBQ.

Read about my man:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rick_James

If he had lived long enuf, they would have given him his own reality show. Teena Marie woulda hosted it.

Sigh.

I don't know why this SITE is underscoring my words. Another sigh.

Let me tell you what Rick James will do for in HISTORY - - - - setting the record straight at the BET awards. Some HEFFA claimed that she didn't know who Rick James was. WTF? WTF? WTF?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Say WHAT? Oh, H no. Rick wasn't havin' it FOLKS. He got on stage with Teena Marie and CLOWNED her: "I'm Rick James, BIIIITCH." That "BIIIITCH" was heard across the freakin' nation. Pres. Bush heard that proclamation on Pennsylvania Ave. @ the White Crib (House, Ebonics-challenged). Crazy as all GET OUT, Dave Chappelle, has made a fortune off of clownin' my man, Rick.

Rick, RIP.

Many a clowns have made their own You Tube Clips of "I'm Rick James, Bitch." I leave you with one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Si-zBcXUBxE

Feel free to pass this TRIBUTE on to your friends (click the email link at the end of this post)!

LOVE YA!

PS: Many a folks may speculate where I get my content from, day after day? HEY, it's called LIVIN'. Folks do some STUPID THINGS around me. I just sit back and observe.

LOOK AT ME, THE PIN-UP MODEL . . .

uh, hells no NOT.

Since I talked about this darn suit so much, I thought that I would show and tell.

I'ma buy me some breasts. I am on the phone right now with my mom talking about it. She told me to wait until I have a baby.

Again, has she seen my dating calendar?

My booty is BIG. I hate it.

AZ readers, if y'all know a DECENT man that is SINGLE with no KIDS, pass this blog address along.

WORD.