Scheduling an appointment for some DRAWS

Greetings!

I know that the title probably made you go, "Hmm, WTF?!?!!?!?" Yes, this is most definitely going underneath the WTF?!?!?ism section of my blog. Do you watch the Sanders' reality show? If not, DO SO. I have never been a fan of reality TV (too much "The Real World" in college - - - -when Tammy wired her mouth, I was done). I do, however, enjoy Pilar, Deion, Deion, Jr., Deiondra, Shilo, Shedeur, and Shelomi on Tuesday evenings. WELL, yesterday, I watched the episode where Pilar informed Deion that they needed to schedule some "bonding" time. He replied, You mean to tell me that I need to schedule an appointment to get some DRAWS"?!?!

Once again, if your Ebonics is subpar, here's a translation, "Dear, are you insinuating that I need to schedule an appointment to have sex with you?" In the black community, DRAWS translates to panties, chonies, thongs, bloomers, G-strings, etc. . . GOT THAT?!?! The KICKER was that their son got into a fight, and Deion had to cancel their appointment. At bedtime, they tried again, but their younger children wanted to sleep with them. They leave the kids in the bed and head to Shelomi's room to get some midnight lovin'. The fools FORGET that there's a baby monitor in the room. The kids watch their parents as they are about to start 'doin' the do. That's when Pilar said, "OMG, the baby monitor!!!!!" Shelomi's eyes are BUGGED out. She said, "That's it. Mommy and Daddy can't go in my room no more."

Get off the FLO, folks.

Okay, I have recovered from the House of Funkiness. I am embarking on another "tour" tomorrow AM. Today, I had coffee and mimosas with a group of women residing in "The Tuke" (i.e. Ahwatukee). They are genuinely some nice folk. That's really hard to find here in Ahwatukee. Everyone has to start a conversation discussing how much $$$ they have and where their kids attend school. DELIVER ME. Unless you are going to break me off some cheddar, zip the lips, please.

This afternoon, I tutored a student with her writing. I know, "How many jobs do you have"? Hey, Katt Williams is my MENTOR. I live by his motto, "I keep on HUSTLIN, HUSTLIN, HUSTLIN'. Acquiring nice things = Cash=Working=Getting Paid. Seriously, I am a firm believer that if you give God what is HIS (i.e. tithing), He will continue to "pour the blessings" If you don't, He will make SURE that He gets His (i.e. your car needs to go into the shop; your baby is sick; your A/C unit breaks down). YOU GET THE PIC?

AMEN. HALLELUYER.


Today, I was in my "glory". The young woman was so receptive to my instruction. I was delirious with excitement. Heck, I was like Miss Sophia from "The Color Purple," "There is a GOD."


Only bad mark in the day - - - one of my former clowns had the freaking audacity to EMAIL me after nearly 3 mos. DELIVER ME FROM THE IGNORANT, GRACIOUS FATHER.

Now, if y'all think that my post is lacking its luster, think again. I saved the best for LAST. Everyone has at least one funny as all GET OUT relative. I am "blessed" to have an entire family filled with COLORFUL folks. Today, I am leaving you with a homework assignment. You need to treat this like one of those Sudoko puzzles that you cuss out and throw across the room before completing it. Today's challenge comes from my girl, Christina. This is an actual phone conversation that she had with her Jamaican great aunt. Ready, Get set, GO:

Christina answering the telephone: Hello.

Her 88 year old Jamaican great aunt calling: Hey naw! Ya uncle Nigel can gwan to hell, we got us one! That Usian Bolt! Hem don wan dem races for us! Naw, hem real Ja man! Your uncle Nigel fake assss! Hem leaving Jamaica the way hem did, stealing me dahm jerk recipe! Hope 'em chicken neva turrrn out! Call ya uncle Nigel naw and tell 'em his chicken nasty and den get ya flag me sent cha fore ya birthday and gwan ya porch and wave et proud for long time! Meeeee love ya someting awful! Ok naw, goodbye!

And, for all of those that are cussing me out, YOUR MOMMA AND YOUR DADDY. ;)

Now, if you have finished cussing me out, get up, and make an "appointment" with your significant other. ;)


Adrienne, GET UP. As Harpo said, "It's bad luck for a woman to be doin' all that laughin'.

PEACE.